Xfresh Archive: Questions of Existence

The purpose of life is a life full of purposes.

This quote was not one of those unexpected inspirational lines that I've accidentally heard or read or seen and made everything I have, been through or felt before, some profound sense. I went looking for it. To be more precise, I went looking for an answer. But answers were either just too hard to find, or I was looking too hard, I missed it. But I have found this as an inspiration until I yearn to search again.

Why was it that there were always more questions than answers? Why was it that we could only find answers only to some limited extend? What am I for? Why am I here? Who am I? Each of us asked such questions from the moment we start to understand a bit of ourselves. Answers we searched for, a purpose for life, a reason for living, an identity of our own and a value for ourselves.

I cannot deny that I do not often ask myself these questions. Too trivial, I said to myself. I was too young, I told myself, to be confused by such rhetorical things. But nor have I ever quietened my inner mutterings. Indeed, sometimes, they were my driving force. Eventually, life and experience, or at least snatches of what I had gone through, gave me some sense of conclusion.

What could I do?

All the other questions I asked before were meant for my benefit, my own definition of the world and my individualism. I stayed with them, hoping that their answers were pieces for that great, confusing picture. But with this question, I realized that there was no picture to begin with. I could not complete me because I have yet to envision me. I was ready to paint myself, outside the shadows of others, and there were many colours to choose from.

What would I do?

I was, and still am, of this given life. While my soul could wait an eternity for life to continue, life waited not a moment. The opportunities were many, some I cannot neglect, some I cannot achieve, some I cannot hope for, and some I cannot hide from. Opportunities lost made the foundations of wisdom stronger, for many others yet to come. There would always be opportunities. But I have only one life to seek my destiny.

What must I do?

There were some things that we cannot, even might never, continue without. These were important to us, placed before us, loved by us. Life can never be without risks, to us and to the part of us that were more than just ourselves. Paths soon fail and there could only be one road, even be it the most treacherous. It was at the moment of truth that by our choices, our decisions, we would shape our meaning, both in the innocents' eyes and in our own souls.

What have I done?

As you take refuge in a firm place on those topless mountains, it was the most clearly to look at the winding trail behind you, marked by your footsteps. The paths you have chosen, the distance and heights you had conquered, the difficulties of the terrain and those who you had brought with you, lost from you, rejoined or new ones found along the way. The pattern you had made in your life, for yourself defines your choice of being.

To do something, many things or nothing. To do something, anything and not do nothing. To do the one thing you placed your hope on without fail. To do look behind you and see all that you had accomplished. Where am I in these steps? How should I begin, and how should it all end? And the cycle that drives us to live continues.

Life, existence, was, and had always been, more about asking questions than finding answers. For in questions there can be held answers, and the trick was to ask the right ones. Then, someday, in a life full of purposes, you would realize what was the true purpose of your life and discover who you are in Time.