Liza-101@Ophie.edu
1. I was born Norliza Aini, which means Light of Mine/Eyes. Malay translation was cahaya mata, thus I was my parent's kid. Liza was from an actress, Liza Minnelli.
2. But I preferred to be dubbed Bright Eyes, not because of my staring baby photos but because I cried a lot of tears at nights.
3. I was the 3rd kid, born a good 6 years after my parent's first duo batch. Much of my childhood was spent being a spoiled brat.
4. When my lil' baby bro came, I learn to fight for attention, or just learn how to fight. Damn, I guess I owed him an apology for all those troubled years.
5. Once, I threw a metal padlock at lil' bro's head and made him bleed. Come to think of it, that was also the year I noticed my mom's white hairs. And also discovered that bathrooms aren't good hiding places.
6. I wanted to be a guy, like big bro, cos guys are strong. I wanted to keep up with everybody older than me.
7. When I couldn't keep up, I cried. It slowed them down all right. Heck, I was the joke of Crying Baby stories.
8. My earliest memory of food was mashed potatoes from KFC. S'matter of fact, it's still one of my favourites.
9. Bro and sis teased me forever. I tried to apply the same on lil' bro except he was too young to actually get the joke. Thus I was branded a spoiled bully.
10. Most of my earliest memories were about being alone, just lying down at the front grille, looking and breathing in the sun, sky, cement and scrubs, waiting for anybody to come home.
11. I love storybooks. My very first story was the Cat, Mouse and the Pat of Butter told from my dad.
12. I soon progressed to Ladybirds' Stone Soup, which I suppose would account to my current liking for any wholesome fluids.
13. There were so much Ladybird books scattered everywhere that my dad kept them hidden inside his cupboard. Of course, that didn't stop me during his working hours. That's when I learn how to be careful... and sneaky.
14. I learn to read through these Read-Along Books with casseste tapes. My first one was Alf goes Wild.
15. I collected so much of these that Dad would narrate the Crying Baby story and I always tried to stop him. He never did finish that story though.
16. Big, big fan of Enid Blytons. Heck I tried to write to her once before I realize that she's already dead.
17. I was given RM2 every weekday for recess. I starve myself so I could get an Enid Blyton book from Kancilmas (gone now) at Taman Tun Dr. Ismail (KL).
18. Technique was good. S'matter of fact, I still starve myself so I could get a fiction novel from Popular Books Store at Ikano Power Centre.
19. In those younger days, I hadn't thought of reading anything other than Enid Blyton, maybe because I didn't quite notice any other.
20. My last Enid Blyton book was The Faraway Tree. I've never tried Folk of the Faraway Tree. Now I'm starting miss it.
21. I don't ever remember being really scared of school, maybe since growing up with 30+ relatives doesn't seem to make much difference.
22. My first friend there was my neighbour named Amalina. She left for Seremban years ago, but we broke off even sooner than that.
23. My second friend was Tun Sorina Ashikin. She was showing off her long hair. We were good friends despite being in different classes (even more so as we grew older).
24. We were close friends for over 10 years but broke off soon after secondary school. Hadn't contacted each other ever since.
25. I attended religious school in the afternoons. I think I repeated a year but I can't remember how or why.
26. Looking at primary school's class photos through each year, anyone can tell I was becoming more miserable.
27. Woe the day I met my Standard Two teacher. I can't fully recall her name other than Cik Haslinda or Haslina. She was the cause of my introvert nature today.
28. She a new teacher and an aunt to one of my best friends. Wasn't bad as a teacher but she oppresses any spoilt and carefree nature strictly and continues to fault me for mine. I knew only to rebel and fight hard but I was only a kid.
29. Once, a girl named Sazimatini made a mistake with an electric socket and Cik Haslinda pulled on her headscarf. She commented that Sazimatini was stupid and shouldn't be wearing a headscarf for being stupid.
30. Others followed in the teacher's strife and took me out relentlessly. They were just primary school students and Cik Haslinda was a pillar of strength and perfection. I guess I was just sulky in the first days.
31. Cik Haslinda was again my teacher at Standard Three. Our class won Best Class trophy almost every week of that year.
32. 1993 was the year I've learn pain, humiliation and isolation. And I'm not exaggerating. I was convinced that I was lazy and for being lazy, I was stupid. The belief was enforced when I ended up in the poor class the next year.
33. More so, I was alone, for being a teacher's target in the best class, other saw me as beneath them. I convince myself of that too. I stopped making close friends after 1994.
34. Maybe Cik Haslinda did have favourites or maybe she only liked certain carefree students, especially those who liked her. During Standard 4, she sent one boy, Ramli, an Aidilfitri card with a 50 cents coin taped to it.
35. If I were to meet Cik Haslinda today, I won't. It's been over 10 years since but I just can't. I can't. I won't. Please don't make me.
36. It took a teacher to take me down. It also took a teacher to pick me up. She might have not known it, but she was my saving grace. Her name's Pn. Sai... Su... er, Aza Fyreen's mom.
37. Aza Fyreen and me were just acquaintances. I guess she was quite friendly with me though I was sulky with everybody. I met her mom in my last year at primary school.
38. All her mom, that Teacher, did was just being my Malay language teacher. The best was when she taught essay writing. I realized that I liked to write. I also realized that I've still got some of that lost carefree nature I loved best.
39. And she liked what I wrote. She gave me a 23/25 with a Good remark. Any teacher could have done that. Except that I like to do what I did and that Teacher liked what I like to do.
40. I've never stopped writing ever since, though my medium is English now. I still see that Teacher though, she being a member of my mom's Old Ladies Club of Something. Maybe I'll get her name next time.
41. My first burger was McDonald's Double Cheese. I was five years old and had an early favour towards ketchup. Maybe ketchup reminded me of blood that I suck out from my scratches and bruises of playground days.
42. Liking Pizza was easy, not just that it rhymes with Liza. S'matter of fact, Pizza Hut's old TV commercial theme song was second one I've ever memorized (the first was Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star).
43. The first snack I've ever (microwave) cooked for myself was Campbell's Mushroom Soup. Placed into bowl and just add water.
44. I like cheese. I would take one and eat it straight from the plastic wrapping. Still do actually.
45. The first non-milk drink I remember drinking was Ribena. I also remember the extreme sugar rush.
46. I used to have an imaginary friend named Diamond. You know, I think she's still here. Hey Diamond, say hi to everybody.
47. My first piece of personal jewelery was an 'L' shaped pendant with 3 gems. The last time I saw it was in between the very narrow bars of a metal grate on a road drain.
48. I had a soft toy that mom won from Genting Highland. I called it Snow White Cute Puff. I dunno what happened to it now, other than it's no longer white or puffy.
49. My first real outdoorsy sport was rock climbing and kayaking. I planned to return to do both once I earn an income.
50. The first book (which was incredibly ridiculous to think that I ever wrote it) was called Mystery Wilderness Four.
51. The first boy I've ever had a crush on was a primary school prefect named Harith. The last time I had a crush on any guy was a diploma holder in IT named Azrul, back in 2002.
52. Nope, never had either as a boyfriend. S'matter of fact, never had a boyfriend, much less a real guy friend.
53. There are days when I would endlessly wish my school would catch on fire so that everybody would go home early. It came true only twice.
54. I had wanted to be a nurse because they wear white. Then a stewardess because they were pretty. Then a doctor or lawyer because they were rich. Heck, I even wondered on being an astronaut.
55. My sis tried to teach me the guitar but I wasn't interested. I tried to learn the piano, but the teacher wasn't interested. What I really wanted was to be a drummer but my parents wanted none of it. Now I listen to music and write poetry.
56. I'm a writer, but I never really got into poetry before I liked music. So if I want to write poetry, I'll have to hum a tune first.
57. I love scenery pics, but the ones sold were expansive so I collected them from the Internet. They're like windows to a hidden world, frozen in time.
58. Perth, Australia was the furthest place I've ever gone to. Now I hadn't left homeland since 1996 (which accounts for my love of Scenery pics).
59. I'm scared of heights, I really, really am. I can't stand too close to a fourth-storey balcony with thinking of tipping over and falling off.
60. On the other hand, I like the dark, especially under yellow candlelight. I purposely kept my room dark at nights and used only the night lamp.
61. I was never really a stylish gal, a bit blind for fashion. I grew up wearing over-fancy dresses and second-hand/third-hand teen clothing so I still have that 'It's still good' attitude about clothes.
62. I stopped worrying about being overweight when I started worrying about being oversized. Now I hate myself for being big boned.
63. Childhood hairstyle was very, very short, the kind where you put a mixing bowl on my head and cut from there. I looked awful in dresses with that hairstyle. Probably the reason why I prompted into wearing headscraves today.
64. I used to dress up my old Barbie doll in tiny clothes I made myself using scraps of rags. Even in rags, the doll looked better than I ever did.
65. I hate make-up. I look like a clown when I tried to apply some on myself. Nowdays I hardly wear any more make-up than a touch of face powder.
66. I used to draw stylish medieval european gowns during free time on excerise books. I would colour them and pass them along to friends.
67. My first drawing was a square-shaped house with a window to every room and I drew many, many windows. Sis taught me how to draw properly.
68. I got into drawing a lot of art using watercolours. For some reason, I always draw rainbows, waterfalls and winged unicorns.
69. My dad still kept some of my art-works, the last ones where I used magic markers and pencil colours.
70. The last thing I've ever drawn were my own creation of mystic-like symbols and emblems. I used square coloured cards and glitter. I've made five and only two sets.
71. I never really had a strong sense of religion. I've started praying properly two years later than I was supposed to.
72. I do believe in God and a Creator of all Things. I just don't quite get the Heaven and Hell concept of eternal bliss or damnation. Maybe I'm just scared for my sins.
73. The first time I’ve heard the Creation story was also the first time I’ve read Malay storybooks. I still got them, for inspiration needs.
74. I suppose I’ve perceived all religious histories like I do with storybooks, great to read once in a while but never really got in it.
75. My very first great fear was death. I didn’t want to grow up because I didn’t want to die. I dunno how I figured out about death but I do know it’s something I won’t like.
76. There’s not a day that goes by when I don’t think of my own mortality, even when not reading newspaper or watching CNN.
77. During the age of 9 and 14, I couldn’t remember whether I was just moody and sulky or deeply depressed. But I knew that I was depressed around 16 or 17.
78. I’ll be lying if I said I’ve never thought of suicide but I had a few close encounters. Once, I looked up on the Internet on how to cut your wrist effectively. I still remember how.
79. There are many times I was angry but only once that I became really outrage. I retreated for 2 hours in a toilet to get it all out.
80. Looking back, I guess there was just a part of me that still wants to hang on to that carefree and spoiled brat that still had not been oppressed. It’s all the life I’ve ever known and growing up to lose that was just hard.
81. I’m still very thankful that I’ve discovered a love for writing. I’ve wanted to write so that others can read and be happy about it. Now I write so I can be happy for me.
82. I thought about writing a journal for myself as young as ten years old. I’ve tried notebooks, thick writing pads, even cassette tapes.
83. I used codes to write my thoughts down, just in cases. I drew tiny pictures, each to pass for an alphabet. I took it everywhere with me, even with eating dinner. I guess my family thought me as eccentric.
84. I still do write codes, for my fantasy ideas. I plan to create a complete set of some make-up alphabets of languages for Suvon Reality.
85. But all my younger journals don’t last long. I got tired of writing them as soon as my attention wavered elsewhere.
86. I cannot survive without the Internet. The longest time I’ve ever been away from it was two weeks. Any longer I would have gone insane. Two-thirds of what I know and have are on the Internet.
87. I’ve heard about open journals when some websites came out in the newspapers. I was a bit appalled actually, to think of people sharing their most secretive thoughts.
88. I was entirely enthused when my favourite web community hosted a free weblog service (Xfresh Blogs). But I noticed that many were.
89. I started writing my own voices when they started a competition on blogging. I was more motivated by a new idea rather than the prizes (I was unfairly uncounted when the competition ended).
90. It was not the first time I’ve made a website (the first was an Anime fansite) but it was the first about myself. I found that I had a knack for it.
91. I’ve tied in blogging with my dreams of becoming a fantasy novelist. Thus I’ve named my blog Suvon Reality.
92. Enid Blyton started my fantasy streak, but it took Lord of the Rings to finally get me into the seriousness of such an idea.
93. Most of what I’ve learned about fantasy was from serious novels and PC-RPG games like Diablo and Might and Magic. I also have a library where I keep hardcover books about the paranormal and unexplained.
94. Ophiuchus, my current nick, was a reminder of a first story that never took off. I had planned to use a magical advisor of sorts called Ophiuchus to five orphan children, or as they would affectionately termed, Ophie.
95. My current and only project would be a single novel, perhaps as a benchmark for sequels if successful. I hope. It is much more fantasy with its own magic concept.
96. A tiny part of the reason was that I didn’t have enough money since all these fantasy novels I read were from overseas and they’re all expansive. No wonder the fantasy fiction market’s small.
97. One of my biggest fears is plagiarism. I was afraid my life’s work would be counted as somebody else’s. I’ve lost a couple of diskettes that had important plots and sometimes I fear someone might use them.
98. There are times when I do feel really, really alone. There’s this void feeling that gets painful when I’m depressed. I tried to sleep it off but screaming softly works best. I do it most often while driving alone.
99. Sometimes, I would whisper to myself that I wanted to go home, when in reality, I’m already home. I guess for some reason, it just doesn’t feel like home anymore. Maybe it’s just stress.
100. I dunno what’s the future for me and I don’t mean that in a happy, carefree way. My habit was just to hang-on as much of myself as I can, as I grow older. I guess my last foothold is Suvon.
101. Suvon is what I call my imaginative world. I got it from spelling the Latin word Novus backwards.
2. But I preferred to be dubbed Bright Eyes, not because of my staring baby photos but because I cried a lot of tears at nights.
3. I was the 3rd kid, born a good 6 years after my parent's first duo batch. Much of my childhood was spent being a spoiled brat.
4. When my lil' baby bro came, I learn to fight for attention, or just learn how to fight. Damn, I guess I owed him an apology for all those troubled years.
5. Once, I threw a metal padlock at lil' bro's head and made him bleed. Come to think of it, that was also the year I noticed my mom's white hairs. And also discovered that bathrooms aren't good hiding places.
6. I wanted to be a guy, like big bro, cos guys are strong. I wanted to keep up with everybody older than me.
7. When I couldn't keep up, I cried. It slowed them down all right. Heck, I was the joke of Crying Baby stories.
8. My earliest memory of food was mashed potatoes from KFC. S'matter of fact, it's still one of my favourites.
9. Bro and sis teased me forever. I tried to apply the same on lil' bro except he was too young to actually get the joke. Thus I was branded a spoiled bully.
10. Most of my earliest memories were about being alone, just lying down at the front grille, looking and breathing in the sun, sky, cement and scrubs, waiting for anybody to come home.
11. I love storybooks. My very first story was the Cat, Mouse and the Pat of Butter told from my dad.
12. I soon progressed to Ladybirds' Stone Soup, which I suppose would account to my current liking for any wholesome fluids.
13. There were so much Ladybird books scattered everywhere that my dad kept them hidden inside his cupboard. Of course, that didn't stop me during his working hours. That's when I learn how to be careful... and sneaky.
14. I learn to read through these Read-Along Books with casseste tapes. My first one was Alf goes Wild.
15. I collected so much of these that Dad would narrate the Crying Baby story and I always tried to stop him. He never did finish that story though.
16. Big, big fan of Enid Blytons. Heck I tried to write to her once before I realize that she's already dead.
17. I was given RM2 every weekday for recess. I starve myself so I could get an Enid Blyton book from Kancilmas (gone now) at Taman Tun Dr. Ismail (KL).
18. Technique was good. S'matter of fact, I still starve myself so I could get a fiction novel from Popular Books Store at Ikano Power Centre.
19. In those younger days, I hadn't thought of reading anything other than Enid Blyton, maybe because I didn't quite notice any other.
20. My last Enid Blyton book was The Faraway Tree. I've never tried Folk of the Faraway Tree. Now I'm starting miss it.
21. I don't ever remember being really scared of school, maybe since growing up with 30+ relatives doesn't seem to make much difference.
22. My first friend there was my neighbour named Amalina. She left for Seremban years ago, but we broke off even sooner than that.
23. My second friend was Tun Sorina Ashikin. She was showing off her long hair. We were good friends despite being in different classes (even more so as we grew older).
24. We were close friends for over 10 years but broke off soon after secondary school. Hadn't contacted each other ever since.
25. I attended religious school in the afternoons. I think I repeated a year but I can't remember how or why.
26. Looking at primary school's class photos through each year, anyone can tell I was becoming more miserable.
27. Woe the day I met my Standard Two teacher. I can't fully recall her name other than Cik Haslinda or Haslina. She was the cause of my introvert nature today.
28. She a new teacher and an aunt to one of my best friends. Wasn't bad as a teacher but she oppresses any spoilt and carefree nature strictly and continues to fault me for mine. I knew only to rebel and fight hard but I was only a kid.
29. Once, a girl named Sazimatini made a mistake with an electric socket and Cik Haslinda pulled on her headscarf. She commented that Sazimatini was stupid and shouldn't be wearing a headscarf for being stupid.
30. Others followed in the teacher's strife and took me out relentlessly. They were just primary school students and Cik Haslinda was a pillar of strength and perfection. I guess I was just sulky in the first days.
31. Cik Haslinda was again my teacher at Standard Three. Our class won Best Class trophy almost every week of that year.
32. 1993 was the year I've learn pain, humiliation and isolation. And I'm not exaggerating. I was convinced that I was lazy and for being lazy, I was stupid. The belief was enforced when I ended up in the poor class the next year.
33. More so, I was alone, for being a teacher's target in the best class, other saw me as beneath them. I convince myself of that too. I stopped making close friends after 1994.
34. Maybe Cik Haslinda did have favourites or maybe she only liked certain carefree students, especially those who liked her. During Standard 4, she sent one boy, Ramli, an Aidilfitri card with a 50 cents coin taped to it.
35. If I were to meet Cik Haslinda today, I won't. It's been over 10 years since but I just can't. I can't. I won't. Please don't make me.
36. It took a teacher to take me down. It also took a teacher to pick me up. She might have not known it, but she was my saving grace. Her name's Pn. Sai... Su... er, Aza Fyreen's mom.
37. Aza Fyreen and me were just acquaintances. I guess she was quite friendly with me though I was sulky with everybody. I met her mom in my last year at primary school.
38. All her mom, that Teacher, did was just being my Malay language teacher. The best was when she taught essay writing. I realized that I liked to write. I also realized that I've still got some of that lost carefree nature I loved best.
39. And she liked what I wrote. She gave me a 23/25 with a Good remark. Any teacher could have done that. Except that I like to do what I did and that Teacher liked what I like to do.
40. I've never stopped writing ever since, though my medium is English now. I still see that Teacher though, she being a member of my mom's Old Ladies Club of Something. Maybe I'll get her name next time.
41. My first burger was McDonald's Double Cheese. I was five years old and had an early favour towards ketchup. Maybe ketchup reminded me of blood that I suck out from my scratches and bruises of playground days.
42. Liking Pizza was easy, not just that it rhymes with Liza. S'matter of fact, Pizza Hut's old TV commercial theme song was second one I've ever memorized (the first was Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star).
43. The first snack I've ever (microwave) cooked for myself was Campbell's Mushroom Soup. Placed into bowl and just add water.
44. I like cheese. I would take one and eat it straight from the plastic wrapping. Still do actually.
45. The first non-milk drink I remember drinking was Ribena. I also remember the extreme sugar rush.
46. I used to have an imaginary friend named Diamond. You know, I think she's still here. Hey Diamond, say hi to everybody.
47. My first piece of personal jewelery was an 'L' shaped pendant with 3 gems. The last time I saw it was in between the very narrow bars of a metal grate on a road drain.
48. I had a soft toy that mom won from Genting Highland. I called it Snow White Cute Puff. I dunno what happened to it now, other than it's no longer white or puffy.
49. My first real outdoorsy sport was rock climbing and kayaking. I planned to return to do both once I earn an income.
50. The first book (which was incredibly ridiculous to think that I ever wrote it) was called Mystery Wilderness Four.
51. The first boy I've ever had a crush on was a primary school prefect named Harith. The last time I had a crush on any guy was a diploma holder in IT named Azrul, back in 2002.
52. Nope, never had either as a boyfriend. S'matter of fact, never had a boyfriend, much less a real guy friend.
53. There are days when I would endlessly wish my school would catch on fire so that everybody would go home early. It came true only twice.
54. I had wanted to be a nurse because they wear white. Then a stewardess because they were pretty. Then a doctor or lawyer because they were rich. Heck, I even wondered on being an astronaut.
55. My sis tried to teach me the guitar but I wasn't interested. I tried to learn the piano, but the teacher wasn't interested. What I really wanted was to be a drummer but my parents wanted none of it. Now I listen to music and write poetry.
56. I'm a writer, but I never really got into poetry before I liked music. So if I want to write poetry, I'll have to hum a tune first.
57. I love scenery pics, but the ones sold were expansive so I collected them from the Internet. They're like windows to a hidden world, frozen in time.
58. Perth, Australia was the furthest place I've ever gone to. Now I hadn't left homeland since 1996 (which accounts for my love of Scenery pics).
59. I'm scared of heights, I really, really am. I can't stand too close to a fourth-storey balcony with thinking of tipping over and falling off.
60. On the other hand, I like the dark, especially under yellow candlelight. I purposely kept my room dark at nights and used only the night lamp.
61. I was never really a stylish gal, a bit blind for fashion. I grew up wearing over-fancy dresses and second-hand/third-hand teen clothing so I still have that 'It's still good' attitude about clothes.
62. I stopped worrying about being overweight when I started worrying about being oversized. Now I hate myself for being big boned.
63. Childhood hairstyle was very, very short, the kind where you put a mixing bowl on my head and cut from there. I looked awful in dresses with that hairstyle. Probably the reason why I prompted into wearing headscraves today.
64. I used to dress up my old Barbie doll in tiny clothes I made myself using scraps of rags. Even in rags, the doll looked better than I ever did.
65. I hate make-up. I look like a clown when I tried to apply some on myself. Nowdays I hardly wear any more make-up than a touch of face powder.
66. I used to draw stylish medieval european gowns during free time on excerise books. I would colour them and pass them along to friends.
67. My first drawing was a square-shaped house with a window to every room and I drew many, many windows. Sis taught me how to draw properly.
68. I got into drawing a lot of art using watercolours. For some reason, I always draw rainbows, waterfalls and winged unicorns.
69. My dad still kept some of my art-works, the last ones where I used magic markers and pencil colours.
70. The last thing I've ever drawn were my own creation of mystic-like symbols and emblems. I used square coloured cards and glitter. I've made five and only two sets.
71. I never really had a strong sense of religion. I've started praying properly two years later than I was supposed to.
72. I do believe in God and a Creator of all Things. I just don't quite get the Heaven and Hell concept of eternal bliss or damnation. Maybe I'm just scared for my sins.
73. The first time I’ve heard the Creation story was also the first time I’ve read Malay storybooks. I still got them, for inspiration needs.
74. I suppose I’ve perceived all religious histories like I do with storybooks, great to read once in a while but never really got in it.
75. My very first great fear was death. I didn’t want to grow up because I didn’t want to die. I dunno how I figured out about death but I do know it’s something I won’t like.
76. There’s not a day that goes by when I don’t think of my own mortality, even when not reading newspaper or watching CNN.
77. During the age of 9 and 14, I couldn’t remember whether I was just moody and sulky or deeply depressed. But I knew that I was depressed around 16 or 17.
78. I’ll be lying if I said I’ve never thought of suicide but I had a few close encounters. Once, I looked up on the Internet on how to cut your wrist effectively. I still remember how.
79. There are many times I was angry but only once that I became really outrage. I retreated for 2 hours in a toilet to get it all out.
80. Looking back, I guess there was just a part of me that still wants to hang on to that carefree and spoiled brat that still had not been oppressed. It’s all the life I’ve ever known and growing up to lose that was just hard.
81. I’m still very thankful that I’ve discovered a love for writing. I’ve wanted to write so that others can read and be happy about it. Now I write so I can be happy for me.
82. I thought about writing a journal for myself as young as ten years old. I’ve tried notebooks, thick writing pads, even cassette tapes.
83. I used codes to write my thoughts down, just in cases. I drew tiny pictures, each to pass for an alphabet. I took it everywhere with me, even with eating dinner. I guess my family thought me as eccentric.
84. I still do write codes, for my fantasy ideas. I plan to create a complete set of some make-up alphabets of languages for Suvon Reality.
85. But all my younger journals don’t last long. I got tired of writing them as soon as my attention wavered elsewhere.
86. I cannot survive without the Internet. The longest time I’ve ever been away from it was two weeks. Any longer I would have gone insane. Two-thirds of what I know and have are on the Internet.
87. I’ve heard about open journals when some websites came out in the newspapers. I was a bit appalled actually, to think of people sharing their most secretive thoughts.
88. I was entirely enthused when my favourite web community hosted a free weblog service (Xfresh Blogs). But I noticed that many were.
89. I started writing my own voices when they started a competition on blogging. I was more motivated by a new idea rather than the prizes (I was unfairly uncounted when the competition ended).
90. It was not the first time I’ve made a website (the first was an Anime fansite) but it was the first about myself. I found that I had a knack for it.
91. I’ve tied in blogging with my dreams of becoming a fantasy novelist. Thus I’ve named my blog Suvon Reality.
92. Enid Blyton started my fantasy streak, but it took Lord of the Rings to finally get me into the seriousness of such an idea.
93. Most of what I’ve learned about fantasy was from serious novels and PC-RPG games like Diablo and Might and Magic. I also have a library where I keep hardcover books about the paranormal and unexplained.
94. Ophiuchus, my current nick, was a reminder of a first story that never took off. I had planned to use a magical advisor of sorts called Ophiuchus to five orphan children, or as they would affectionately termed, Ophie.
95. My current and only project would be a single novel, perhaps as a benchmark for sequels if successful. I hope. It is much more fantasy with its own magic concept.
96. A tiny part of the reason was that I didn’t have enough money since all these fantasy novels I read were from overseas and they’re all expansive. No wonder the fantasy fiction market’s small.
97. One of my biggest fears is plagiarism. I was afraid my life’s work would be counted as somebody else’s. I’ve lost a couple of diskettes that had important plots and sometimes I fear someone might use them.
98. There are times when I do feel really, really alone. There’s this void feeling that gets painful when I’m depressed. I tried to sleep it off but screaming softly works best. I do it most often while driving alone.
99. Sometimes, I would whisper to myself that I wanted to go home, when in reality, I’m already home. I guess for some reason, it just doesn’t feel like home anymore. Maybe it’s just stress.
100. I dunno what’s the future for me and I don’t mean that in a happy, carefree way. My habit was just to hang-on as much of myself as I can, as I grow older. I guess my last foothold is Suvon.
101. Suvon is what I call my imaginative world. I got it from spelling the Latin word Novus backwards.
Imagination shone on 10/15/2004 11:00:00 AM
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